this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
operation harelip BJ is a go
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
