i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
