At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
