Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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