Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
