just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
