Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
