my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
