I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
