I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
