I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
