I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
