i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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