I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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