508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
