had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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