dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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