dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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