he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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