my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
