i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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