Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
