carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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