so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
