i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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