My room smells like vodka and shame
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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