Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
