its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do you still have your period?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
