He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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