ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
