I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
