i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
