We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
