ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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