There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize