"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
