Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
