I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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