I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
false alarm, still single
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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