oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
