sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
