my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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