hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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