I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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