Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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