no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
