I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize