Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
