Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
