Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
