I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
