Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
