Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Little spoons don't ask big questions
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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