No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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