I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize