I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
