Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize