Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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