One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
