Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
