the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
