so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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