I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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