Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
