I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
