Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Two words: nipple clamps
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