I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
