Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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