he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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