At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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