I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
