Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
