I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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