oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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