Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
